Posted on May 27, 2024
One of the core parts of lolita subculture is concrit, or constructive criticism. For some, it's scary to be part of a subculture where being criticized is an active, expected part while others are happy to get feedback that'll improve their coords. Lolita fashion has long had a reputation of being full of gatekeepers that are mean to anyone who does not have a large closet full of brand and is unable to create perfect coords every time. I can't deny that these people exist within the fashion, but I have personally found the vast majority of the community to not be like that. Depending on the community you're in, you can always say no concrit if you're not comfortable with having your coord critiqued. I believe there are ways to improve the way concrit is given and received to make the interaction better.
Rules of Lolita Fashion
One day, I'll write a post on it, but the rules/guidelines are there to protect the subculture and help beginners understand what makes lolita lolita. It's easier to tell a new lolita that you must always wear a petticoat than to tell them that wearing a petticoat depends on the coord you're wearing and that there is a way to go petticoat-less in a way that will still read as lolita. While fashion does have no rules, specific styles do. If someone says that they only dress in punk, but they're dressed like Regina George from Mean Girls, you would rightfully give them the side eye. Punk as a fashion has a certain aesthetic that come from the subcultre that started it - DIY patches, combat boots, tartan, pins, ripped clothes. (I'm aware that punk is a music suculture but the style associated with it didn't come from nowhere.) It's easy for a subculture to get diluted and lost into a general aesthetic rather than a specific style/subculture. Even the Japanese fashions like mori kei and dolly kei had loose rules. A coord built without those rules wouldn't be considered to be part of either style. While concrit does help someone build a better coord, it will also help beginners to understand what make lolita lolita. Without it, you'll get people wearing Liz Lisa coords and low quality clothes claiming to be lolita.
Giving Concrit
Giving concrit is less simple than it seems. Constructive criticism needs to be actionable and given sensitively. The point of the constructive in concrit is that it should be helpful to the person receiving it and not given in a way that discourages the person from joining the community.
Do give a detailed explanation. If someone is wearing a non-lolita outfit and claiming it's lolita fashion, saying this isn't lolita is not concrit. It's just an observation. If it's too far from lolita, a thorough explanation needs to be given to help the person understand why it isn't. If someone is wearing a lolita coord that needs fine-tuning, then you can explain how to make the coord better and optionally, give examples/links of what can be done to improve it.
Do provide resources/links when possible. I'd also add resources for them to look through and do their own research. Given the state of the internet, it'd be better for concrit givers to give links to resources that'll help people understand the fashion or at least give them a good basis in knowledge. Saying do your research could lead to them finding resources that are wrong.
Do ask for context. In order to give good advice, you'll need to know more about what style/vision the person is going for and if they have any limitations. I usually ask for what style they were going for and if they have any limitations so I can recommend items or how to make their coords better. Knowing a person's budget and measurements will help you give recs that are actually useful to this person.
Don't be rude. The point of the constructive in concrit is that it should be helpful to the person receiving it and not given in a way that discourages the person from joining the community. If you're in beginner spaces a lot, it can be annoying to see the same basic questions asked over and over. Rather than getting snippy in your answers, I'd either step back to avoid giving a rude comment or simply link to a post where the question was already answered. If the recipient is being rude to you, I'd recommend just disengaging from the convo. It's not worth it to waste any bandwidth on someone that is not receptive to your advice. Sometimes, others will not agree with your concrit or have harsh reactions to your concrit no matter how gentle it's said and there's not much you can do about it. There are still some subjective elements within the fashion as well as personal preferences. Other times, people are looking for validation of their choices rather than concrit. It sucks to not be listened to if you have valid advice but you can remember that this advice will be helpful to someone else down the line who comes across it.
Receiving Concrit
Do use a good picture of your coord. Try your best to use an good front-facing picture of your coord including your shoes and headwear. It's ok to obscure your face but seeing the hair and headwear will also be helpful.
Do be specific. Try to include specifics like the look you were going for (sweet, classic, etc.) and any limitations/personal preferences. It'll help for others to give better advice and think of ways to meet any of your limitations like budget, sizing, health/medical issues, ethical/sustainable alternatives. You may not be able to get perfect advice, but every little bit helps.
Do take advice from experienced lolitas. When posting in a public forum for concrit, you'll get a variety of advice from different lolitas (some may not even be a lolita depending on the forum). It can be hard to know which advice to trust. I'd advise doing your best to listen to experienced lolitas when possible, especially ones with a similar background to you. The great part about BSoLF is that they use little, middle, big sibling to note the experience levels. If you're brand new to the fashion, I'd advise listening to big siblings as they'll have the best advice and can understand nuance.
Don't throw a tantrum. Receiving concrit isn't always easy and may not be what you want to hear (whether right or wrong). There is no need to stomp your feet and say fashion has no rules so you're wrong and I'm not taking any advice. If you only want validation for your coord, stick to spaces where concrit is not given or state no concrit in your post.
Do remember that you will still get unwarranted advice. If you get advice, you can always just say thanks or say thank you, but i disagree. You can even just ignore it; it's the internet. No one's forcing you to take advice or will even know that you're taking that advice. I will add that you will still get concrit if you post a coord that is clearly not lolita. As mentioned earlier, the main point of concrit is to create better/more cohesive coords. Saying no concrit on a coord that is clearly not lolita will still end up with lolitas saying that it is not
Personal Thoughts on ConCrit Culture
Getting concrit for the first time was very nerve-wrecking and I didn't think that they were right at the time. Looking back on it now, they were right and the advice given really did help me understand what was missing from my coords. I will note that there is a difference between concrit and whether something is lolita or not. Concrit is for making better/cohesive coords. When lolitas tell someone that their coord is not lolita, it's not done out of malice; it's to prevent the dilution of the fashion and help you to understand what lolita is. It also doesn't mean an outfit is bad; it just means it's not lolita. It's perfectly fine to combine lolita elements with another fashion, even if the end result is not lolita like in Daily A La Mode.
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